The Love Goddess and the Shawshank Redemption

December 23, 2009

The Shawshank Redemption (based on a story by Stephen King) has always been a favourite movie of mine. I’ve watched it multiple times, but it was only after watching it this past week that I recognized that the obvious theme of freedom and rebirth is explicitly linked with the Goddess.

For a synopsis of the movie check out Wikpedia.

First off, I noticed that Andy’s escape tunnel is juxtaposed with the warden’s safe. Both are hidden behind pictures. Andy’s tunnel is concealed by, at first, a poster of Rita Hayworth, then in the following two decades, by posters of Marilyn Monroe and Raquel Welch. The warden’s safe is hidden behind a tapestry (made by his wife in “Church Group”) depicting a quotation from the Bible, actually the Apocrypha: “His judgment cometh and that right soon” (Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 21:5). From here the symbolism of the tunnel and the safe is obvious. Both depict two representations of female sexuality. The warden’s safe represents the female, dominated by a ‘patriarchal’ reality and the tunnel is that of a ‘matriarchal’ reality, and unbridled female sexuality, disapproved of by the warden, yet, to his own downfall, overlooked, in his desire for power and control.

Andy tells Red that his wife complained that “he was a hard man to know. Like a closed book.” He adds that “she was beautiful” and he “loved her,” But he “didn’t know how to show it.” He believes that his coldness “drove her away” and that he was indirectly responsible for her death—leading to his false imprisonment for the murder of both his wife and her lover. It is while in prison, under the tyrannical reign of the warden, in a world of violence and abuse, that Andy is reconciled with the Love Goddess he spurned, and through her, he is finally set free. The tunnel is a passage of rebirth through the womb.

It is also noteworthy that Zihuatanejo, Andy’s paradisical destination across the border in Mexico is known as “the place where goddesses live.” According to Wikipedia; “There is a story that states that Zihuatanejo was a sanctuary dedicated to the goddess Cihuatéotl, who was of Olmec origin. She was considered to be the mother of the human race and the goddess of women who died in childbirth, and warriors who died in battle.”

Unconscious Ritual

December 20, 2009

During the Summer I spent much of my time experimenting with an open source sound editor called Audacity. It’s as basic as it gets, but using my webcam microphone I was able to make various home recordings and manipulate them into unusual and often ‘dark’ ambient soundscapes. I was partly motivated by a desire to create my own meditative soundtracks, rather than rely on the works of other exceptionally brilliant ambient artists such as Steve Hillage, Michael Stearns, Wendy Carlos, Staruha Mha, among many others.

music cover

Click image to download music

All of my experiments can be listened to and downloaded at Last.fm, and exclusively for this blog I’ve put together four tracks under the title Unconscious Ritual for anyone interested in downloading and sampling for yourselves.

The download is free (containing 4 mp3s) and available over at the Internet Archive (Unconscious Ritual)

Unconscious Ritual Tracklist

  1. Hringhorni: (3:02)
  2. an inauguration of a tenth level weaver into the Butu society: (10:35)
  3. Lykaia: (6:00)
  4. Callanish: (10:46)

(thresh*ld) creates ambient soundscapes that are dark, primal and ritualistic in nature, often containing industrial elements. Tracks are sometimes short snapshots of occult realities or extended shamanistic/meditational pieces.

Last.fm: (thresh*ld)

Anxiety is not the same as an Anxiety Disorder

December 19, 2009

I discovered this movie about the lives of those who have Social Anxiety Disorder.


Video about Social Phobia

Mark ?? | MySpace Video

Below is a video I made recently talking about my current anxiety disorder issues. Things for me have grown worse over the past year. Probably the worst year of my life actually. My lack of writing for this blog as much to do it. My spiritual practice is close to non existent. My hope is that I can begin to really force some stuff into action. And try to start coping again.

Blessings

At the age of 15-16 I began to develop a serious anxiety disorder, that prevented me from hardly ever leaving my bedroom, unless I was compelled to by my friends. Eventually my anxiety became so bad (plus the drug taking didn’t help either), over the next few years of my life I basically lost any meaningful friendships I had, because I was totally unable to connect with anyone anymore. And I’m still pretty much the same way now.

I began to create a fictional universe when I was nineteen, that was set in both the present and the ancient past. It involved a bunch of musicians living in a castle, who attempt to contact extra-terrestrial life using shamanic techniques, and inadvertently invoke a malevolent forest spirit. The spirit, through possession, kills all but one of the musicians, and he becomes trapped alone within the castle walls. He grows old and loses his memory, awaiting for his release.

It seems to me now, that I was creating a myth of my own reality. I was the musician trapped within the castle, that lost all his friends due to a destructive power, that is, my social anxiety. The loss of memory reflects my own loss of self-identity, as I could and can no longer remember who I was, before my life was shot to bits, back when I was around eleven or twelve.

I also find it interesting that my myth, in a number of respects also mirrors the myth of the Rich-Fisher-Grail King, who was also trapped in an enchanted castle, after receiving a physical wound (that in my case is psychological), and could only be released when someone asked him the all-important question, restoring not only the king’s perpetual wound, but also bring life to the king’s realm that had become a wasteland<br /
My Wasteland of a Reality:The Inward Mythology.

The Descent of Teebu

December 8, 2009

a myth belonging to the fantasy world of Cortexia. Written and created by Mahud.

The ancient Niadic people told a story of Verteepo very different to the Therazians. They claimed that Verteepo (‘poverty’) is a corruption of the word ‘teebu’, meaning “all that is beautiful.” It is true that his passage from the realm of divine beings into the human realm was a tragic one.
It is said that he disobeyed the High God and was struck down. Four cobras, with moon-shaped markings on their hoods, found the fallen god beneath the heavenly tree of immortality, knowing at once that if he were to remain in the all powerful radiance of heavenly existence, he would die. All four serpents carried Teebu to Otula the daughter of Sun and asked her to heal him.
Sun’s daughter tried to revive Teebu, but all her medicines proved ineffective. Finally, it was her father Butuda, who suggested that Teebu should go down to the world of human beings and be placed on the healing tree of rebirth. However, many other spirits, also no longer fit to dwell with the gods, crowded around the tree day and night, hoping to be reborn, therefore Teebu might die before touching the healing tree.
“Then let us lower Teebu down upon the crown of the tree ourselves, ” said the cobras. “Tie our tails to the four pillars of your house great Butuda, so that we can pull ourselves up and return him to the abode of the heavenly ones.”
Butuda obliged, and the cobras began the long descent from the house of the sun down to the world below.
Teebu was placed upon the topmost branches, where the healing leaves were most effective. The multitude of spirits were angry that Teebu should be healed before them and cried out;
“Who gave these serpents the power to heal this man, whoever he is!”
At that moment a loud voice cried;
“I do!”
And with that, the sun god untied the cobra’s tails and they fell upon the tree. They tried to cling on to its branches but they broke away. And so, the four cobras slithered away in all four directions, each with a healing branch in their venomous mouths, scattering the spirits as they went.
Teebu was revived and climbed down from the healing tree. All the spirits had fled and peace was restored to the great tree.
“From now on,” Teebu said, “let all the spirits seek out the serpents for the gift of rebirth. As for myself, I will build my home in the branches of this tree, protecting it from all those who seek to heal themselves at the expense of others.”

And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house. And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them. And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four. And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay. When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee. But there was certain of the scribes sitting there, and reasoning in their hearts, Why doth this man thus speak blasphemies? who can forgive sins but God only? And immediately when Jesus perceived in his spirit that they so reasoned within themselves, he said unto them, Why reason ye these things in your hearts? Whether is it easier to say to the sick of the palsy, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and take up thy bed, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (he saith to the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy bed, and go thy way into thine house. And immediately he arose, took up the bed, and went forth before them all; insomuch that they were all amazed, and glorified God, saying, We never saw it on this fashion.

Mark 2:1-12 (KJV)

A month or so ago I was reading the account of Jesus, who healed a paralytic lowered down through a hole in the roof of a house. As I read through it, I saw that the story could also be interpreted on a mythic-symbolic level, through the lens of comparative mythology.

The house or dwelling in many spiritual cultures is often symbolic of the world or cosmos. Certain dwellings that have a central post interpret it as an axis-mundi, the center of the world, also represented as a cosmic pillar or world tree. Furthermore, other dwellings that have a central opening in the roof, according to Mircea Eliade, understand it as a gateway to the spiritual realm. According to the Gospel account, the hole in the roof was above Jesus’ head, placing him in the centre of the house, corresponding with the centre of the world, the mythical point in space that holds the world together from where creation (and potent healing power) emanates.

The paralytic could be compared to to sleeping/dying mythological being found in many mythologies, such as Vishnu in Hindu myth, who sleeps upon a multi-headed serpent couch within the cosmic threshold of destruction a re-creation. The four men who carry the paralytic best correspond with the four directions or corners of the mythic universe. These four characters also correspond with the four men who helped Odysseus pierce the sleeping Cyclops eye with his own club as well as the four men who lifted up the Cyclopean eye of Balor in Irish-Celtic myth.

The multitude who crowded around the house are symbolic of the barrier (ignorance, etc) that traps unenlightened or purely materialistically minded beings within the mundane universe. This barrier is dissolved when the sick man is healed, opening the way–within the world–to spiritual realization, the invisible realm of divine being.

Rejection of Biblical Revelation (International Pagan Values Blogging Month)

June 27, 2009

Another contribution to the International Pagan Values Blogging Month

I don’t believe we live in a universe where two opposing truths can both be true. Maybe that’s a little bit simplistic and un-philosophical of me. And I find myth a more helpful spiritual guide than philosophy. I’ve never been much in to scientific theories beyond my love for science fiction, which I enjoy more as a vehicle for storytelling than anything else. Regarding Evolution, I have doubts and queries, probably because as a Christian I read quite a lot of material casting doubt on the idea that one species can transform into another, but also because I am heavily influenced by myth as metaphor, and see Evolution more as another cosmogonic myth, that perhaps will end up being discarded in the unforeseeable future and be replaced by something even more wonderful unimaginable and fantastic. I’m not against evolution either. Bottom line is (and this is pretty much my approach to my spirituality (not that I actually believe literally in “spirit” either. Again another metaphor that doesn’t really factually tell me anything that can be empirically proven)) I’m some breed of agnostic that at some level believes, but has reservations regarding what I can actually know. I’m more of a intuition fanatic. Not because I know for sure it’s the best way, but it works and makes sense to me.

Christianity (as I see it) gets around this problem with the concept of revelation. While the world does not immediately fully reveal an otherworldly reality that can be collectively proven, beyond our own individual ‘hearts and minds’ (more metaphor. We use it so much!), God can. I think this is a fair point if you are willing to except the possibility that a single God with a mind and personality can exist. Again I think if we as individuals were able to possess ultimate spiritual truth, we would need to be such as God, that is, we would need to consciously maintain knowledge about everything. Not only the cosmic, but what exists beyond the cosmos (or hidden within physical existence itself). I think that’s what Paul is talking about at the beginning of the first letter to the church of Corinth, where he speaks of humans not having unrestricted access to the All-Searching All-Knowing Spirit of God, which is obviously going to be a bit of a problem if your path incorporates undeniable yet unprovable spiritual truths. God knows only truly about himself, while a human being can only try to fully understand themselves. I may be well off with that interpretation, but anyway… At this point I think Paul is talking about the ‘Spirit’ of Paganism. Pagans can only interpret through themselves. This isn’t a problem to me. I think that’s how it should be, but rather than accepting that, Paul reminds the church that while we do not possess a readily accessible infinite mental capacity (Or, I’d say the time needed to learn everything there is to actually know, all things being, I feel, extending for eternity with infinite creative-destructive combinatorial possibility), the divine mind and spirit is finitely accessible through Christ.

While this ‘may be’ true, I, despite arguments for the viability of divine revelation, am still stuck with myself. I still have to accept this ‘truth’ via a mind limited by time, space and matter, regardless of the possibly that God himself also clothed himself with these attributes to eventually become a conduit to himself. And so I think its fair not to choose to believe something I cannot know in my own heart and mind, as that is the way I’m forced to exist. It’s like I’m denying and deceiving myself regarding my own humanity, while filtering out (and demonizing) countless other divine truths of other forms of spirituality, equally dubious, yet maybe spiritually fuelled vehicles capable of carrying us toward the infinite and glorious unknown of true freedom in the divine WHATEVER.

If I were to be a Christian, I think I’d have to accept predestination. Some are chosen and some are not. And if that’s the case I’m not one of the chosen, not because I deny a Christian God (although I’m far from holy, so yeah, that’s debatable, but again, I’m all human, so…) but on the basis that what I know as a person doesn’t really amount to much more than my immediate circumstances allow.

I guess that’s pretty much why I’m no longer Christian and why I find refuge in Paganism with its possibility to be all-embracing toward differing beliefs (and the divine be it one/many/all/everything and beyond) or non-belief, as it were. Regardless of our personal acceptance or rejection.

Finally this is all a prelude to why I do not insist my beliefs are right and yours are wrong. Why my lifestyle is loved and yours is hated by the divine. I try not to manipulate others or prove I’m right and your wrong. I try to accept my humanity and discover what life here and now has to offer in the only way I can and let death do its (I hope, glorious) thing when I, Mahud, have physically and mentally crossed over the threshold of resistance. No deathbed conversions from me (I find them horrible). And I find it really really hard to believe that God would have a problem with that 🙂

International Pagan Values Blogging Month

May 21, 2009

Pax over at Chrysalis is shouting out for Pagan Bloggers to participate in International Pagan Values Blogging Month.

Count me in Pax!

Pagan Values June 2009

Wrath – Short Film (Staring my Sister Hyette)

April 15, 2009

A Short Thriller/Horror Movie (with much profanity and verbal violence, so be warned)

“Lisa remembers the good times she had with her partner but is there a dark side to their relationship…”

View on YouTube

The Meeting of the Sun and Moon

April 15, 2009

As mentioned by Joseph Campbell (citing Classical scholar Gilbert Murray: Occidental Mythology p.162-163), in Homer’s Odyssey, there is found a grand celestial and mythic theme that mirrors the 19 year Metonic Cycle (the meeting of the sun and Moon). Yet the Odyssey pre-dates the discovery by the astronomer Meton (5th century BC), by well over one hundred years.

Odysseus is parted from his wife for ten years during the war against the Trojans, and then another ten, lost at sea. He is identified with the sun, making his journey beyond Oceanos to the Underworld and back out again, and arrives home at Ithaca at the winter solstice (on the verge of the 20th year) during the festival of Apollo. His long suffering wife Penelope, represents his bride in her lunar aspect, who has promised to marry one of the many suitors who seek her hand in marriage, upon completion of a tapestry which she continually weaves and un-weaves, hoping for her husband’s return, much like the waxing and waning moon, and ultimately like the cosmos itself.

the Axis-Mundi

Odysseus also fashioned a bed, “from start to finish” (23:224), from a living olive tree, and decorated it with silver and gold, the metals of the moon and sun. The immovable bed of bliss may well be understood as the Axis-Mundi, that corresponds with the threshold between temporal cycles, upon which the opposites unite and transcend into eternity.

Restful Awareness

April 5, 2009

From life to death. To death from life. From life to death.
Cernunnos manifest and re-create through the mystery of death.
In darkness and in light give freedom to my footsteps
and guide me into your secret place.
There, grant me rest in your abundant peace.

Cernunnos’ Path: The Incense Path (Incense Ritual)

Tarot Question Addressed to Cernunnos

Q: How is my life going to proceed due to current circumstances?

Cards

  1. Two of Wands
  2. Ten of Wands
  3. Devil
  4. Eight of Cups
  5. Temperance

Restful Awareness

For 25 years the quality of your life has been severely restricted*. The Illusion of fear has kept you in bondage and oppression.

It is now time to break free from those chains of apathy that result in self-stagnation.

Prepare yourself. Lay a divine foundation. Do not be ignorant. Immerse yourself in myth, for you are going to dissolve all emotional turmoil that existed in the past, and embark on a journey into the unknown. The world is full of mystery and uncertainty, but I Cernunnos will unfold the map for you and dispel fear and fill you with wonder.

The way ahead has many obstacles. Initially, it will be hard to navigate because you do not see clearly or know yourself.
Dispel your fears, for I am Cernunnos and have already walked the labyrinthine path leading to my sacred grove of abundant rest and lasting peace that exists at the beginning, middle and end of all things.

I, as many other divinities within the threshold of death and life, am a remover of obstacles, to let the stream of life to flow in never-ending ambrosial abundance.

Develop awareness. Be mindful of yourself, others, and your surroundings. Find balance between your conscious and unconscious worlds.

Healing takes time but I am a great healer and transformer. Together we shall plan the safest route to your recovery.

I am the Cosmic Divine. I am the sacred geography of space, time and all living things.

Return with me to the place of endings and beginnings. There we shall sit like a lotus and partake in the sacred fruit: the secret of restful awareness.

Triple Cerunnos

*I have a mental illness known as Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), also known as Social Phobia. I also 100% fit the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) given in both The ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioral Disorders World Health Organization, Geneva, 1992 (F60.6 Anxious (Avoidant) Personality Disorder, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR)) (See also Diagnostic Criteria).

Pining for the Fjords

April 4, 2009

Looks like our Hard drive has “shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!”.

Hopefully should have the problem fixed in a week or so. So for now I’ll be using the computers at the public library. Not sure how this will affect my post output. But it does give me extra time to read, meditate, and other pursuits.

Bright Blessings!

Mahud